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Sitaram · Site Admin Joined: 14 Sep 2005 Posts: 1079

Someone has written to me, asking advice regarding their aging father, a victim of Alzheimer's, dad's savings account of one million dollars, and four siblings who are in conflict with one another regarding the money and their father's circumstances.

Here is my advice:

Lincoln said "Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."

The 33rd stanza of the Way of the Tao says: "He who can be content with however much or little he has; that person has achieved true wealth."

I keep thinking about your problem.

You must choose happiness and peace of mind, and choose an outlook which will bring you this happiness and peace.

Imagine various scenarios:

Imagine that an unexpected catastrophe destroys your father and the bank account. Now the source of conflict is gone, but where will your happiness lie now?

Imagine that your father signs over the entire sum to you tomorrow, and you spend it in various ways until it is gone. And once it is gone, shall you be any happier?

The possibility or expectation of receiving money is what divides you and your siblings.

Imagine that you make some selfless gesture and give over all your claims of a share to your siblings. Will they like any better for that? Will they care about you?

You must seek your own happiness. To do that you must discover what will make you genuinely happy. You must find people who will truly care about you and love you unconditionally for who you really are.

You must make the conscious decision to be happy as you are and with what you have, though such an attitude must never become complacency.

A million dollars will not make you happy. Only YOU can make yourself happy, by CHOOSING to be happy. Do the best that you can do with what you have, and then choose to be happy with that.

It says in the Bhagavad-Gita that, (paraphrased from memory) "It is inevitable that joys and sorrows come to each person. But that person who can endure both joy and sorrow with equanimity and an even-keeled spirit is a true yogi (saint)."

Job was such a yogi or saint. Job had wealth, health, and family. Job lost it all. And in the end, Job regained wealth and health and family.

Happiness which depends upon outward circumstances is a false happiness.

Happiness which is immune to the vicissitudes of fate and fortune is a genuine happiness which borders upon bliss.
My advice is not simple or easy to follow. You must work at such equanimity. No one can do it for you. You must do it for yourself.

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