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Sitaram
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Joined: 14 Sep 2005
Posts: 1079
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 Posted: Wed Nov 02, 2005 2:01 am Post subject: Emancipation and the Qu'ran |
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|
Pie in the Sky
| Chava wrote: |
How the Qu'ran encourages the emancipation of women
What, is your opinion of the above statement?
For reference, this is not a religious question, simply what is your
opinion? |
I recently read The Bookseller of Kabul, a non-fiction work about
life in Afghanistan, written by a woman from Norway, Asne Seierstad, who
lived with a family in Kabul for many months. I also read Reading
Lolita in Tehran by a brilliant (in my estimation) and courageous
professor of literature, Asar Nafisi.
I wish those two authors, both women, who lived and worked in two
different Islamic countries, would join our forum and post their
impressions in this thread, in response to your question. It would be
interesting to see what they have to say.
The portrait painted by these two books is not a portrait of emancipation
(my impression) but then, you would have to read them for yourselves,
and draw your own conclusions.
I once saw a very amusing quotation, supposedly said by some ranking
person in the government of France, something about, "That works well in
theory, but not in practice." (Can't remember the exact wording.)
I am reminded of that famous sentence in George Orwell's Animal
Farm, "All animals are equal, but some animals are
more equal than others." (I am so used to hearing men
called "pigs" that I get confused, sometimes.)
You know what they say about pudding, that "the proof is in the eating."
We may examine religious scriptures, such as the Bible or the Qu'ran, or
redacted oral traditions such as Talmud or Hadith, or the constitutions of
various nations, and we may draw various conclusions about equal rights
or human rights or leftist rights. Those conclusions are the "pudding" so
to speak, a pudding of words on paper. The "eating of that pudding"
comes in examining how those words are actualized in individuals,
families and societies in daily real life. Sometimes, when we are too
hasty in eating our pudding (not hasty pudding) we wind up with "a pie in
the face" (like those slapstick comedies), or we simply wind up with "egg
on our face" because we cannot convincingly support our opinions, and we
have to "eat humble pie" or perhaps "eat our hat", if it should
prove to be the case that the reality of daily life does not seem to match
or live up to the promise of the reality that we found in those
scriptures or constitutions.
I would like to add some more thoughts to this post of mine, during the
coming hours, as my time right now is somewhat limited. I realize this is
a delicate topic. Delicate topics have the potential to become explosive
and disruptive and cause distress for moderators and administrators,
which only results in threads being locked. So I will try to speak in a
constructive and sensitive manner and provide various readers with "food
for thought" which will be more than just hasty pudding.
It seems to me that women have been riding "in the back of the
bus" for thousands of years. In fact, it is only during the past 50 years or
so that some seats have opened up in the front.
http://www.lankalibrary.com/pol/sirimavo.htm
| World's First Madam Prime Minister wrote: |
Mrs Sirimavo Bandaranaike, widow of Ceylon's assassinated prime
minister Solomon Bandaranaike, has been elected the world's first woman
prime minister.
Her Sri Lanka Freedom Party won a resounding victory in the general
election taking 75 out of 150 seats.
Mrs Bandaranaike only entered politics after her husband was shot by an
extremist Buddhist on 26 September 1959.
|
Whenever we start bandying the word "equality" about, we aren't really
being totally honest, are we? We aren't simply talking about the freedom
of sitting anywhere in the bus. We are talking about getting the chance to
drive the bus, occasionally, and to invent the bus, and to sell the
bus. When we begin to speak of equality, we begin to traffic in a host of
controlled substances; hegemony, empowerment, honor, glory, wealth,
and all those other heady intoxicating mind-altering things which are
sometimes locked up and heavily guarded. When we yearn for equality,
what we really want is a crack at leadership and the hope of exercising
authority.
"Emancipation" implies some previous state of imprisonment or bondage.
We speak of "the emancipation of slaves." Let's pretend that you are
someone who has lain for hundreds of years cruelly bound by rusted
barbed wire, such that the slightest attempt at movement is agonizing.
Now I, the great, heroic Sitaram (but you may simply call me Liberator),
come along, place a chain about your ankle, cut away all that nasty
barbed wire, and proclaim "You are liberated!" You seem very happy
indeed. The chain is an incredibly long chain, and no ordinary chain, but
made of solid gold, and it glitters and sparkles with your every
movement. One day, you notice the chain, when you for the first time
attempt to move beyond its limiting length, and you come to me,
inquiringly. I explain to you, "Well, you are free now, aren't you? You are
far more free that you were for centuries. You certainly don't expect to
be totally free, now do you?"
I once asked an Imam why it was necessary for Muhammad to marry
NINE wives. The explanation that I received was that they needed
protection, for those times were very dangerous, and the only manner in
which Mohammad could protect them was to marry them. In the Qu'ran,
I forget the exact Surah now, there is a passage in which it is explained
that the wives of Muhammad are the mothers of all Muslims and it
would be an outrage if anyone were to marry one of Muhammad's wives
after his death, since, in effect, they would be marrying their own mother!
I was curious why women needing the protection of marriage would now
no longer require protection as widows. Apparently, Kadijah's status as
widow did not present any impediment to her marriage with Mohammad
(and by the way, it was Kadijah who did the proposing, which is
already fairly emancipated in my book).
Kadijah, the first wife of Mohammad, a widow herself, is credited with the
honor of being the very first person to follow Mohammad as a Prophet,
the very first Muslim. Tradition tells us that Mohammad was quite
perplexed when the angel Gabreel first appeared to him in the cave.
Mohammad related the wondrous experience to Kadijah and asked her if
she thought him a madman, or in fact really a prophet. Kadijah took
Mohammad to an old wise relative (I forget the details) and arrived at a
decision that Mohammad was indeed a true prophet.
It is most curious that Mohammad would consult a woman on such a
serious matter when we consider that, under Sharia Islamic law, the
testimony of a woman has only half the value of a male's testimony
(it takes the testimony of two women to equal the testimony of one
male). In matters of inheritance, under Islamic law, a female relative only
inherits half the sum that a male relative would inherit.
Now, the Qu'ran encourages a number of worthwhile things. The Qu'ran
encourages sobriety because it forbids the use of intoxicants.
Unfortunately, liquor seems to be available on the black market even in
the holiest of cities.
Surah 2, verse 256, encourages religious tolerance, for it says that "There
shall be no coercion in matters of religion."
Yet, circa 1000 c.e., Persia (now Iran) and fallen under Muslim
domination, and there are ancient Parsi (Zoroastrian) accounts of Muslims
appearing outside their Parsi Fire Temples and attempting to coerce them
to come to the Mosque. Most of the Zoroastrians fled Persia and came to
India, where they now number under 300,000.
Some years ago, I would dine frequently at a small restaurant where a
lovely young woman from Egypt, in her late 20's, was working as a
waitress. I was very curious to know her feelings regarding Islam's law
permitting a male to have as many as four wives. It seemed to me that,
if a young woman were enthusiastic about her religion, then she would
find every aspect of that religion sensible and appealing. She said, "No
way! I worked hard to find just the husband I want. And he is all mine. I
do not want to share him with anyone." She then told me that she knew
a woman in Egypt who allowed her husband to take a second wife,
because she was unable to bear children, and she wanted her husband to
have children. The young waitress said that the first wife participated in
the wedding ceremony as kind of a bridesmaid, and that it was sad to
watch (in her opinion.)
My opinion is simply this: Show me an Islamic nation in which all women
are emancipated, and then it shall make little difference to me what it is
precisely that the Qu'ran does or does not encourage. But, if you cannot
show me several Islamic nations (after 1500 years of Islam) in which the
women are all emancipated, then you may show me all the Qu'ranic
verses you like which encourage emancipation, and it shall not impress
me much at all.
What Does It Mean to be Emancipated
(this is a continuation of my previous post, "Pie in the Sky", because I
have exceeded the 100,000 character per post limitation).
What is our definition of "emancipation?" Certainly, the right to vote is
very important. But just last week there was a documentary about Egypt,
and they were interviewing a small town official, similar to a mayor, who
worked closely with the local population, to help them with problems and
material needs. He explained that, come election time, all those people he
had helped throughout the year would come to this "mayor" and say:
"You have helped us so much and now it is election time, so we want to
repay you by casting our votes for the candidates you choose." The
"mayor" explained that he would hand them a list of which candidates to
vote for. Now, in such little towns, the women may be emancipated
enough to have voting rights. But IF it is the case that, in PRACTICE, the
people choose to treat voting as a favor to be repaid, then certainly one
cannot say that this is democracy in practice. This is not what was
originally envisioned when representative elected governments were first
founded. Certainly, I am not saying that it is like this in every Islamic
society. I am simply pointing out that there can be a vast difference
between "theory and practice." Theory is what you see promised in the
religious texts or the government constitutions, but practice is what you
find in real life; daily life.
I recently watched that movie Monsieur Ibrahim, with Omar Sharif
and Francois Dupeyron, on DVD, about an old Muslim shopkeep, in Paris,
who adopts an orphaned Jewish boy. The jacket of the DVD explained
that Omar Sharif's movies are banned in Egypt because he played
opposite the Jewish actress, Barbra Streisand, and kissed her. I was
shocked to learn this trivia fact. Such censorship will cease only when the
minds and personalities of an entire society are emancipated through
education and culture from the shackles of prejudice and ignorance. Only
when the minds of a population are emancipated will you see actualized in
practice genuine civil rights, human rights, racial equality, gender
equality, freedom of speech, freedom of press, freedom of peaceful
assembly, freedom of belief and freedom to disbelieve.
http://entertainment.msn.com/celebs/celeb.aspx?mp=b&c=50043
The above link is to a brief biography of Omar Sharif, which mentions the
bann in Egypt. One forum member assures me that his movies are shown
daily in Egypt, which is pleasing news for me to hear. The wording in the
biography is vague about when the bann took place, and how extensive it
was.
There is something which Omar Sharif says several times in that movie
which is quite germane to the question which this thread poses. Several
times during the movie, the young boy asks Omar various important
questions about life, and Omar simply answers, "I know what is in my
Qu'ran".
We do not learn until the very end of the movie what is really meant by
that statement. If I tell you what is meant, it will be a SPOILER, so
I have placed the spoiler by itself on one page of my site, and here is the
link:
http://toosmallforsupernova.org/sharif.htm
so do not visit and read if you have not seen the movie, because it is a
real spoiler, and will rob you of the enjoyment of seeing this wonderful
movie. I suggest you watch the movie first, and then visit my link.
The emancipation of any given individual, within any given society is
dependent, not only upon the promises and encouragements of the
scriptures and constitutions of that society, but upon the degree of
liberation in the mind of the average citizen in that society. How
emancipated is each mind from prejudice?
The motto of the Liberal Arts College which I attended is, "I make free
men out of children with books and balance (Facio liberos ex liberis libris
libraque)." Education is a means to emancipation in the broadest sense of
the word.
You can legislate all the civil rights and equality and human rights you
please, but would you "want to hire one of them" or "would you want your
daughter to marry one?" It is the answers to such questions which are
the measure of civil rights and human rights, and not the simply words on
the pages of books or scrolls. There are laws on the books prohibiting
spitting on the sidewalks, but we still must be careful to watch where we
step.
Karl Marx certainly encouraged the emancipation of the working classes:
"Workers of the world, unite, for you have nothing to loose but your
chains." China and the former Soviet Union had over 3 generations worth
of time to put the theory into practice. Were the workers emancipated? I
don't know. You tell me.
Has the Qu’ran been successful, or the Gospels or the Torah? There are
15 million Jews in the world today, over one billion Muslims and over one
billion Christians. How do we measure success? Is majority rule what is
key? Is truth a popularity contest?
Here is a fascinating and instructive exercise for us to undertake.
Consider the following statement:
| Forgive your Enemies and Turn the Other Cheek wrote: |
"The Gospels encourage forgiveness": what is your opinion of this
statement.
|
I am going to tell you up front (cart-before-the-horse-style) that the
Gospels are very in-your-face encouraging forgiveness but the majority of
Christian (with the interesting exception of the Amish) are short on
forgiveness and long on vengeance.
I say this right up front so that the reader will not begin to feel anxiety
that I am about to embark upon some Qu'ran bashing by means of some
Gospel praising.
Kurt Vonnegut made the astute observation that American Christians are
always clamoring to erect monuments and plaques with the Ten
Commandments of Moses, but no one ever thinks to erect anything with
the Beatitudes of Jesus. It was the Beatitudes of Jesus' "Sermon on the
Mount" which were Gandhi's favorite, and not the "Ten Commandments"
on the stone tablets which Moses brought down from Sinai.
My motif in this post has been a consideration of things that "work well in
theory but do not work at all in practice" and I have broadened the scope
of this motif to include not only the scriptures of all religions in general,
but also the constitutions of governments. I feel I am trying my best to
be non-partisan in this regard.
When I see television documentaries about convicted murderers on death
row, in states which are predominantly populated by "bible belt"
fundamentalist Christians, and I see throngs of those Christians clamoring
for an execution so that "justice might be served" then I cannot help but
come away with the feeling that forgiveness, in the Gospels, worked very
well in theory but hardly at all in practice; the day to day practice of those
professing to be practicing Christians.
If it should be the case that a reader arrives at the subjective
conclusion that the theoretical Quranic encouragement of emancipation is
a failure in practice, then I hasten to remind that reader that Islam is not
alone in its failures, and we may place such failure sided by side with
Christianity's failure to recreate the world as people born again with a
spirit of forgiveness.
I mentioned one exception to the failure of Christianity to embody
forgiveness in daily life: the Amish. Several years ago, I posted
something entitled "Forgiveness and the Amish". The Amish are a very
small fringe group in Christianity which most mainstream Christians
perhaps do not even regard as being Christian at all, but perhaps view
them as schismatics or heretics or some misguided sect.
I would like to share with you an excerpt of what I wrote about a
traumatic event which took place in a small Amish community and how
poignantly and dramatically it illustrates how the Amish succeeded in
forgiveness to a degree which greatly surpasses the shortcoming of
mainstream Christianity.
From Theory to Practice; From Words to Deeds
(This is a continuation of the previous post #21, "What does it mean to be
emancipated", as I am approaching the legal limit of character length.)
http://www.sitaram.0catch.com/page314.htm
| Forgiveness and the Amish wrote: |
A few years ago, there was a news item about a crime comitted against a
teenage Amish girl by a man who was not Amish.
Several things in the news story were very interesting and instructive.
The Amish felt so strongly about the importance of forgiveness that they
all went to court and pleaded for leniency for the accused.
One rarely sees ordinary Christians of other denominations taking the
importance of forgiveness so seriously that they would strive to forgive a
heinous criminal. They barely seem capable sometimes of being tolerant
or civil to Christians of other denominations with slightly different
doctrines, practices or beliefs.
The other thing of interest was what happened during the crime. The man
abducted the teenage girl and drove off to a secluded area. He ordered
her to undress. All she did was remove her shoes. He became angry and
ordered her to continue to remove the rest of her clothes. She said, "A
cannot do that, it is sinful." So he took a knife and cut the clothing to
remove it.
In the courtroom trial, this shredded and cut clothing became highly
significant evidence. The court used it as the strongest form of proof that
the girl did not engage in consentual activity.
I am sure that the young girl did not have a clever legal mind to realize at
the very oment of the crime the result of her refusal to undress. She
simply very innocently felt that if she participated and cooperated, that
her guilt of sin would be increased.
So often in various situations, we are unaware of the long term effects of
our subtle choices and behavior.
The best forms of moral/ethical behavior are those which arise as second
nature, without our thinking much about them, from long ingrained habits.
Sow a thought, reap an action.
Sow an action, reap a habit.
Sow a habit, reap a character.
Sow a character, reap a destiny.
|
Derrida, a proponent of Postmodernism, once said that "Genuine
forgiveness, if such a thing is possible at all, is to be found only in the
face of the unforgivable." (paraphrased from memory)
What are the prerequisites for emancipation?
If I might have your permission to "jack up" the topic of this thread to the
highest question of all, not simply regarding Islam, but all religions, and
not simply regarding the important issue of emancipation, but regarding
that which is the prerequesite and sine qua non of all other human
rights, namely PEACE; in what way do the religions and
constitutions of the world encourage peace, for, before we can have
liberty and equality and fraternity and emancipation and wisdom and
enlightenment and the heavenly host of other wonderful things we seek,
we must above all, achieve lasting, world-wide peace. We still seem to be
some distance from the goal of world peace. I am sure it is just around
the corner.
It is small consolation to be emancipated if people are shooting at you and
bombing you.
You know, I think we should ask Jimmy Carter to post his opinion in this
thread. Now, Jimmy happens to be a personal friend of mine.
(Sitaram shouts)
"Hey, Jimmy, come on over hear and take a look at this thread and tell us
what you think!"
| Jimmy Carter wrote: |
On my bookshelf I have an interesting book that was published in 1978
called The 100, by Michael Hart. It is a ranking of the most
influential persons in history. I disagree with a lot of Hart's opinions. For
instance, he ranks Jesus third, behind Muhammad and Isaac Newton
(Buddha, Confuscius and St. Paul come next). Despite this, it is an
intriguing text, with some thought-provoking analyses. For eample, Hart
explains that he ranks Muhammad first because he was the sole founder
of Islam, while Jesus and Paul share the responsibility for Christianity.
Muhammad was also a great secular leader, while Jesus Christ refused to
accept any worldly authority.
What is most pertinent is the author's description of the unique message
of Christ. Almost all religions adopt some form of the Golden Rule as a
premise, but Jesus was alone in commanding that we forgive enemies,
turn the other cheek, or walk a second mile. Hart then quotes the text for
this lesson and says that if these words and others from the Sermon
on the Mount "were widely followed, I would have no hesitation in placing
Jesus first in this book."
- from Sources of Strength by Jimmy Carter
Chapter 5, The Special Message
Page 20
|
Jimmy Carter points out that it is the failure of practicing Christians
themselves to actualize in day-to-day practice in their lives that spirit of
forgiveness which their scripture encourages in theory that prevents
an author like Michael Hart from taking Jesus more seriously.
Omar Sharif’s Religion
It makes me feel happy and releaved to learn that Sharif's movies are
shown in Egypt.
You have aroused my curiosity as to Omar Sharif's religion.
All I can find, so far, is the following:
http://www.abc.net.au/foreign/content/2004/s1051544.htm
| Raise Cathothlic, a convert to Islam wrote: |
WILLIAMS: Born a Catholic, converted to Islam at one point, I mean what
are your beliefs now?
SHARIF: I have none that I can prove. I believe in everything and in
nothing. I don’t disbelieve in anything. I mean everything is possible. As
far as my brain tells me I don’t believe because I believe that God is
justice. The first thing that I was taught at catechist, catechism was that
God is justice and I don’t see justice in the world. I see terrible injustice. I
saw my mother when on her deathbed, she just died four years ago, she
was a great believer and I sat next to her fifteen days while she suffered
terribly before she died and I saw what relief she got from believing, from
calling the Virgin Mary, from calling Jesus Christ to her help. From calling
Saint Anthony of Padua who was our Saint, favourite Saint. It relieved her
pain and I use to think what shall I say on my deathbed or who shall I
call for help? And I decided that I will call my mother for help. That’s what
I’ll say, I’ll say “mother come and get me wherever you are”.
|
This biographical link
http://www.netglimse.com/celebs/pages/omar_sharif/index.shtml
gives Sharif's original name as Michel Shahoub
It is VERY INTERESTING for me to learn from that link the original French
title of Monsieur Ibrahim
Monsieur Ibrahim et les fleurs du Coran
If my poor aging memory serves me correctly, on the day of
Muhammad's death, he requested to be with his youngest and favorite
wife, Aiyesha, but other wives were present. Kadijah was his first wife,
and it is my understanding that only after she passed away did he take
other wives, but I would have to research that to be certain.
Tradition says that Muhammad died very slowly over a three year period
as the result of eating a poisoned dish of lamb served to him by a woman
who had a grudge against him.
There are some wonderful links which allow you to download the entire
Qu'ran, in English. The one I use has each verse in triplicate translations
by Pickthall, Yusufali, and I always forget the third translator. I shall look
it up momentarily.
The third tranlator, whose name I could not remember, is Shakir (along
with Yusufali and Pickthall).
Here are two links to Qu'ran translations, but I cannot find the link that I
used just last week to get the 3 translations together.
http://www.adam2.org/dir/Society/...pirituality/Islam/Quran/index.cgi
http://geocities.com/infoquran/pickth.txt
| It is forbidden to marry the wife of the Prophet wrote: |
033.053 O Ye who believe! Enter not the dwellings of the Prophet for a
meal without waiting for the proper time, unless permission be granted
you. But if ye are invited, enter, and, when your meal is ended, then
disperse. Linger not for conversation. Lo! that would cause annoyance to
the Prophet, and he would be shy of (asking) you (to go); but Allah is not
shy of the truth. And when ye ask of them (the wives of the Prophet)
anything, ask it of them from behind a curtain. That is purer for your
hearts and for their hearts. And it is not for you to cause annoyance to the
messenger of Allah, nor that ye should ever marry his wives after
him. Lo! that in Allah's sight would be an enormity.
- from the tranlation of Muhammed Marmaduke Pickthall
|
We also see here, the verse which is the origin of the practice of women
taking what is called in some countries Purdah, or the veil.
http://www.kings.edu/womens_history/purdah.html
| Purdah, pro and con wrote: |
Generally, those women in the upper and middle class are more likely to
practice all aspects of purdah because they can afford to not work outside
the home.
Purdah probably developed in Persia and later spread to Middle Eastern
lands. Purdah flourished in ancient Babylon. No woman could go outside
unless masked and chaperoned by a male from the family. Even parts of
the household were separated as a practice of segregation. The ancient
Assyrian women also had to remain inside behind curtains where
darkness and little breeze prevailed. In the 7th century A.D., during the
Arab conquest of what is now Iran, the Muslims probably adapted the idea
of purdah to their religion. The Prophet Muhammad reintroduced the
custom as part of the Islamic tenets of faith. As time went by the laws
associated with purdah became more severe. During the British
domination in India, the observance of purdah was very strictly adhered
to and widespread among the Muslims.
|
Many will recognize the word "polygyny", which means "having more than
one wife". "Polyandry" means "having more than one husband". And
"pollywannacracker" means you are a parrot who is hungry. (So much for
comic relief).
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polygamy
In order to evaluate Islam's emancipation of women, we should attempt
to explore how women feel about polygynous marriage.
Rabindranath Tagore wrote a short story entitled The Girl Between
(Madhyabartini), about a childless wife who nags her husband to
take a second wife, but lives to regret it.
In India, Hindus were allowed to take a second wife if the first wife did not
object.
This will be a sad story about polygyny. We must keep our eyes peeled
for a happy story about polygyny.
The name of the husband in the story is Nivaran and his wife's
name is Harasundari
[quote=Nivaran]
Not even inadvertently did he ever think, debate, or wonder about the
meaning or design of living.
[/quote]
| Harasundari wrote: |
We won't be able to have any children. You should marry again.
"If only I could give my husband a child as fiar as cream, as soft as
butter, as handsome as cupid!"
It occured to her that her husband should marry again. She wondered
why wives got so upset at this idea; it would not be at all difficult. Why
was it impossible for one who loved her husband to also love a co-wife?
|
[quote=Shailabala]
Nivaran was married to a tearful young girl whose name was Shailabala.
She was short of stature and wore a nose jewel.
[/quote]
| Nivaran wrote: |
Here at hand was a great curiosity, an enormous mystery. One wants to
examine a diamond under many conditions, from many angles, turning it
this way and that, and here was a beautiful little human being, a great
wonder. This must be touched and caressed, viewed from a distance,
from close at hand, sidewise. Sometimes the earrings were tweaked,
sometimes the veil was lifted a little. The extend of the new beauties
must be ascertained, sometimes with a quick perception lik a flash of
lightening, sometimes with a long look as steadfast as the stars.
|
| Harasundari wrote: |
After breakfast Nivaran had acted as if he were going to the office, but
had gone instead to Shailabala's room. Why this deception? Suddenly
someone seemed to open Harasundari's eyes with a hot poker; in that
searing heat her tears evaporated.
Harasundari said to herself, "I am the one who brought her into the
house. I am the one who brought them together. Then why does he treat
me like this, as if I get in the way of their happiness?
It now seemed to Harasundari that someone had kept hr from knowing
the true meaning of existence. her heart felt as if it had always been
starved. Her life as a woman had been spent in sheer poverty. She had
wasted those precious twenty-seven years in slavery, going to the
grocery, worrying about fruits and vegetables, and after-dinner betel nuts
and spices. Today, at the midpoint of life, she saw that in the very next
romm a little girl had unlocked the store containing the most cherished
treasure and by a sudden coup had become the empress. Women are
indeed meant to serve, but they are also meant to be queens. In the
process of sharing, one woman had become the servant and the other the
queen. But the servant had lost her pride and the queen was not happy.
|
http://www.egyptsearch.com/forums/Forum3/HTML/000173.html
| Some real-life doubts and concerns wrote: |
A big problem for me is also that we want children and time is running out
for me to get children. He says we will get some inscha allah, but what if
we dont and his wish for children will be so big that he will take a second
wife to get them, I could never ever accept this and he knows. Honestly,
that he can marry 4 wifes is the only part in the Koran I question. Like he
told me his father and brother married only one wife and he will do the
same because of me.
I also want to say that I visited and loved Egypt long before I met my bf
and I bought books about the islam and quit the christian church also long
before that. I know a lot about the culture and when I stay in Egypt I
wear hijab and abaya, I think I understand why the Koran asks for this
and I want the people to respect my bf and me. He never asked me to do
this but he is very happy about it and feels I care also, this is my part of
protecting him.
But knowing in my heart he is loving me I still have more and more
doubts and start questioning things and not trusting anymore, maybe I
dont trust life anymore ......
|
| African Anthropologist Enters Polygynous Marriage wrote: |
http://www.lavc.edu/anthr2lw/acw.html
I told her about what I considered to be the "benefits" of being the
secondary (co-wife). You never had to do laundry, deal with bills,
housework, yard work, and that whenever your lover arrived he was
excited to see you. I made it sound so good to myself that I secretly
hoped to become such a mistress. I began to crave dancing into a special
lover's arms, being smothered with kisses, wearing sexy lingerie under
my blue jeans, and having him seduce me within five minutes of my
arrival at his door. Meanwhile Angela stood fast to her desire not be Don's
mistress. When he came to visit her she wanted to engage him in
"normal" activities like watching videos, doing crossword puzzles, and
eating TV dinners.
|
[url]http://www.islam-qa.com/QA/e%7CPsychological_and_Social_Problems/Mushkilaat_ijtimaa'iyyah_(social_problems)/Her_co-wife_threatens_her_is_hostile_towards_her_and_does_not_greet_her_with_salaam.30112000.11785.shtml[/url]
| Imam's Advice to Unhappy Co-Wife wrote: |
What to do when you are married to the same brother and the first wife
threatens you and curses at you and will only give salaams when around
other people to save face but doesn't speak when no one else is around.
Ive been married for 9years to him her longer.
Praise be to Allaah.
She has to bear it with patience as much as possible, and not repay evil
with evil. She should respond to her co-wife’s provocations by keeping
silent and keeping calm. If she can write her a letter expressing her
views, this is good. Then after that she will not be responsible for what
she (her co-wife) does, because she will have done what she is obliged to
do.
|
| A Happily Married Triple wrote: |
http://www.zawaj.com/siddiqua/5-1-2001.html
This is the life of a Muslimah, whether she is married, single, a co-wife or
a widow. We are all women in Allah's service, His very vice-regents on
earth. The day WILL come when we stand before Him (Subhanahu wa
Ta'ala) hoping with a hope so deep it is cold in our souls and dreading with
a dread so intense it will bow our shoulders. Have we earned the
Pleasure of our Lord? The day WILL come when our books will be shut and
we will be shut, too ... shut of this world and its foolish charms, shut of
our chance to repent, love and shower mercy on every other human
being that Allah (Tabaarak wa Ta'ala) in His Infinite Care created and
placed here to cross our paths, shut of any chance to stand tall, proud and
dignified when we say to ourselves and secretly thank our Beneficent
One that we chose to love Him more than our own desires, more than the
beating of our own hearts. The Day WILL come and those who have
earned their just reward will be dealt it ... swiftly, surely, permanently.
It is not worth it to me to fuss with my soul over why my husband doesn't
hold my hand anymore when Nahid is around. It is a waste of my time to
regret the changes in my life that Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta'ala) put there
Himself. It is a shame that I do not want to bear or burden my soul with
that I would focus more on what I have lost than what I am gaining. Why
would we want a simple, easy life when the believers REJOICE and are
STEADFAST with the Decree of their Lord? Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta'ala)
knows our pains. Allah (Tabaarak wa Ta'ala) knows our sufferings. Allah
(Subhanahu wa Ta'ala) knows our fears. Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta'ala)
knows our doubts and the very day that our suffering will end and our
trials of this world, those blessings in disguise, will melt from us as gently
as a drop of dew slips sparkling off an early morning rose petal, leaving it
refreshed, cooled, soothed.
Dear sister, tell your husband you will struggle. Tell your husband you will
fight the good fight. Tell your husband you want to earn the privilege of
sharing eternity with him. Tell your husband that obedience to him is
obedience to Allah (Tabaarak wa Ta'ala). Tell your husband that you love
what Allah loves and you hate what Allah hates. Tell your husband that
you have considered your life and the blessings that have been bestowed
upon you and that you are ready to face the next set. Tell your husband
that you rejoice at being a believer who finds comfort in the words of
Allah "With every hardship, there is ease. With every hardship, there is
ease". Ask your husband to pray for you ... and then you pray for
yourself, dear sister. You pray for your husband. You pray for this new
wife. And Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta'ala) Will ... Allah (Tabaarak wa Ta'ala)
Will ... He WILL answer your prayers.
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